EMO!

I really cannot take it anymore ! rahsssss. i just loathe my crazy and insane lyfe! i always tell myself to tolerate ''ren yi shi feng ping lang jing, tui yi bu hai kuo tian kong'' But it's really driving me nuts.
I had enough of scoldings alr. My expectations are fairly simple. i just wanna be a good daughter in my mum's eyes. Is it so hard? Was feeling so damn lethargic when i reach home and just felt like sleeping, nothing else. I didnt. But instead i went to vacuum floor do laundry wash clothes.Coincidentally, When she came home i just started using my sister's lappie and she gave me a thrashing. WATTHEFARK! i used for like 5mins only she scolded me macham i used it for 5hrs?!. Nvm, wo ren, i thought everything will be gone soon but she confiscated my fone and ordereed me to slp bfore she comes back. WATSIA! i didnt even do anything wrong larh! When i never help her with the chores, she scolds ,but when i helped her with them, she gives me thrashing too! This is so mad i'm getting tired of my life. And i mean really tired of it. I wish i had a penknife or sth that can relieve myself of the pain.

Already i felt so empty inside me that everything's gone so wrong with me, and i'm still searching my soul to find out what's so wrong with me that caused my traumatic change but nobody's helping me . I hate this kind of feeling. It's like being left alone in a dark room,lost,and you saw many people whom you find familar , but none of them actually knows you! You wanted to reach up to them and cried loudly for help, but they just ignore you. Or perhaps, they'll just make you feel worse by scolding you that you're insane. I cant take it anymore. NO i cant.

I've been cooping everything inside me and trying to change myself back to the old me again and i've been pushing myself to carry on.
It's such an unrealistic feeling. Since last year, i've been trying to get yb out of my mind. Nevermind that i cant, and to worsen the situation, i was always reminded of our past memories. I tried to get everything out of my mind. But, i cant. Sometimes i really hope someone can understand me and lend me his listening ears and shoulder , make me feel at least i'm being cared by him. It's not that nobody care, it's just that i just cant seem to trust those whom declare that they care. Maybe all i want is for him to be back. Although it's impossible somehow and i know it, i'm still feeling this way. WHY? dun ask me why cause i wish to know why also. Hais. I really tried my best to forget everything but instead of forgetting them, i got more crazy and i felt like im being haunted by those memories. I hate that feeling. it sux. To miss someone whom you lost contact with but still love and think about him day and night waiting for him to turn back. This is so silly. i know ! i really do know but somehow i cant stop that kind of feeling! i need help urgently.!!

And i think i'm going bonkers@! . i'm so obsessed about my weight and keeps telling and scolding myself for being very fat! Despite the fact that my mum and her frens and everyone else telling me that i've lost a lot of weight, i'm still scolding myself for that! Why is ma life like this?. My life is falling apart already. Really. hais. i just want a shoulder whom i can feel easy in leaning on . Crying non-stop. I'm so emo!.

late for skool. hais.

i woke up at 7am today arh! hahas. I was like " wakao, sian diao larh!'' Then i crawled up of my bed and went to tidy up. Tried to hail cab cus it was rather late when i got dwnstairs. But, the traffic in the morning was quite packed thus i waited for very long i stil couldnt get a cab. But luckily, when i finally decided to take bus, one cab came. hehes. But it was bad lehs. i wasted 8plus just early in the mrning. arhs. rahhsss. Reached school, people werre like looking at me as if i was some et who just arrived on earth. lol irritating lehs. so i got rather annoyed i was like "kan shen me kan, mei kan guo arh?!" Xueqi heard me saying that she automatically turned around. hahas. Anyway, had geog test today, scribbled crap on the paper. hehehe. expected larh. Cus i was quite sick just now, plus plus i didnt study for the test. so, wish me good luck then =)

Anyway, im damn tired lehs. gg off le. tata.

p/s: ihearthim

No more entries for the next few days.

No more entries for the next few days

My dearest sister who owns a lappie,is currently still in Thailand enjoying her vacation. Thus, i hereby announce i cant' log on to her lappie for the next few days until she comes back on Friday. Duh. hahas. Anyway, must be wondering why i can post this yeeahs?
hehes. the answer is simple: I'm in school now larhs! hahas =P

Okay gonna drop by the national library later therfore ending here.

Short and sweet entry =))


For the next few sentences, highlight the entry to see it..

p/s: i miss himm, i want him back , can i? =((

No more entries for the next few days.

No more entries for the next few days

My dearest sister who owns a lappie,is currently still in Thailand enjoying her vacation. Thus, i hereby announce i cant' log on to her lappie for the next few days until she comes back on Friday. Duh. hahas. Anyway, must be wondering why i can post this yeeahs?
hehes. the answer is simple: I'm in school now larhs! hahas =P

Okay gonna drop by the national library later therfore ending here.

Short and sweet entry =))


For the next few sentences, highlight the entry to see it..

p/s: i miss himm, i want him back , can i? =((

friday .

Phew. It's friday again. time travels like bullet train. ahahas.

Had Npcc training today after school. During pe by the way, we practised the 5 stations of our NAFA test. ahahas. i was quite sad that we didnt run on the track larhhs, seriously cus i was somehow looking forward to it. hahas. But nvm, next week will be the real NAFA test. hehes. lalala. my standing board jump is really disastrous larhs. I cant even pass it. DArn. *boo! Hmm, my shuttle run was alrite, except the fact that if my timing is better by one second, i'll get an A grade. *boo! again. hahas. But i'll try harder next tym hehes. =D. Sit-up is my forte. So i was'nt too worried about failing my sit-up event for the NAFA test. hahas. I did 28sit-ups in 30 SECONDS. good marhs? Well, liming and jasper didnt believe and thought i meant 28situps in 1MIN but hmm, i dun blame them larhs. i dun look lyk those sporty type marhhs. As the phrase goes ''dun judge a book by its cover'' ... so, mayb i dun look sporty but i always excercise regularly and keep myself fit . They wun know de marhs. ahhahas.However, We didnt get to practise the other few stations as we chatted our time away.. hehes. =DD

Actually, i was excited about tomorrow's shopping spree with NIM darling tomorrow. But she just told me she can't make it tomorrow as she have the streaming thingies. ARHS! i'm so forlorn alrite. i really miss those chatty times with her man. Eversince i broke up with *u noe who* , i didnt really get to chat with her , let alone go out with her. hais. Yesterday chin hong chatted with me in msn. He asked me to join them for a movie tomorrow. arhs. How i wish i were frens with them. Den i wouldnt feel awkard about going le. furthermore, i'm officially broke larhs. so obviously i cant afford the price larhs. If not i'll miss a lot of things i'll love to buy. hehhehs. Ironically, this is a solution for me lehs. Look, now i'm still unsure whether am i waiting for me although most of my heart tells me so , and if i really see him again i wonder what i'll do , MAN. hahas.

Npcc training was tiring today, went home around 7.45 which is considered really late. Hmm, got lectured by maam haslinda. Hais, really got to make sure my sec 2s are up to her standard le. Also, i have to take note of punctuality of my sec 2 squads and my ncos. arhs. Hate to be the training head of sec 2 nco. So much resposibility, and with my squad nco-mates being all malay, i really do have communication problems sometimes. hahas. Anyway, bo bian must really do a good job le. if not i sure kena lehs. maam is so scary she makes me stressed up everytym by looking at her. arhss..

Came across this site :http://www.wretch.cc/album/show.php?i=dt0902&b=7&f=1226760441&p=0 -hua yang shao nian shao nu NAN XUE ZHANG de new mtv *nicenice!!*

p/s:if i have the chance, i would tell him i still love him, even though if i were to be rejected, at least there wun be regrets as i've tried my best.

mc.

Wee. i am not happy. seriously, im not. hehes. dun be conned by my use of words. hehheh. Mc for 2days le. *hmm.. i wonder did wny of my frens miss me. hahas. finally recover le so tmr will be a new school day. hehes. There's quite a lot of work to be done lehs. Geography have to be handed in tmr. sian-zation. i haven complete the homework, yet. hehhehes. i'm a bad gurl =) it's proven hahas.
yeahs! finally got myself to be excited cus im gg gym tmr. hehes. fun lehs. hahas. k larhs gotta end here le..will try to blog tmr ya..

Got a new jiejie *chloe! she's so pretty, love her loads! hahas

p/s:i wanna hurt nobody no more. hais.

Last day of rest.

-SUNDAY, 18thJULY07-


Definition : the officially last day of rest + fun + laughter + relaxation for the missy named xiaoliing =)) ; ALSO


: the officially first day of pia-ing for olevel.





LOL/. what sad news.








The interesting reads of the missy's blog on 18thjuly2007 :





Starting off with ......


Hmm, today's the last day of the pathetic one week school holiday. Although it is pathetic, but i still appreciate it =)) I went to visit Daniel today with jianhao,liming,yongquan,weiyang and saint. And guess what? hehes. i'm a big bad gurl =P i made the guys mainly liming, weiyang, saint and yongquan wait one hour for me at boonlay there. hehes. So, expectedly, when i reached there, liming kept on sarcasting about their 4hours that i wasted . hehheh. Don't blame me please =X Because during the time when i was with yeebin , the time he waited for me can amount to 6hours, at least. hahas. So they should be relieved that they only wait for 1 hr each. hehheh.


When we reached NUH, jianhao was already there. So we went up to Daniel's ward. He was admitted to PICU (iguess that's it) , in other words , ICU . We waited outside and chatted with Daniel's family as Daniel was being attended by the doctor (the doctor were pumping the inflames out of Daniel because they may prevent him from breathing properly.) After a moment,Daniel's relatives came by and an elder, in her sixties, well, i should call her granny. She, the granny , is a nice person , to be exact , she talked to us about christ things and said it was fate that we met her.somehow i agree with that. hmm.. the talk was really long though. After the talk, we went in 2 by 2into Daniel's ward to visit him. When i saw him, the onlyword that can describe how i feel is : HEARTACHE. Ask me for more details about how is him cause it's really long to write here. Well, anyway, i truly hope he'll be well again. *prays for him*. We waited for peiyang to arrive after we all visited him. It was a long wait man. He reached and went in to see Daniel. Okay, after the long and boring wait , we went home.





While i was reading Sarina's blog just now, she reminded me of how i used to frequent gym and go gaga over it. She made me realised how undetermined i am now, because i became lazy and procrastinate further just because i am lazy to go gym. I must must do something about it i dun care! GYM! wo lai le!! support me yars? hehes. Hmm. she mentioned in her blog that yeebin went to gym too. ahahas. People do change, actually. i still remember vividly how i used to bug him to attend gym with me and how he replied with a "dun wan larhs! i hate going gym!" hahas.





Well, i drew a picture of yeebin yesterday. i feel that im so stupid alrite. It's been so long yet i stil cant manage to completely get him off my loaded mind. Hais. why do i love him so much? Is it because i was very close to him e last tym? WHY? why am i still trying to cover up the fact that he smokes with lies ? why why? why am i still thinking bout him despite the fact that he doesnt bother a heck about him anymore? Or is it that he still cares because he's eager to know whether am i still single? Ami still waiting for him ? i think i do. Hais. im so stressed up. How can my heart be occupied by somany guys at a time? It isnt funny , man. hais. fucked up with my sophisticated life.



These are the pictures of the drawing i drew of the person ; liewyeebin! (i wanna hate him if i cant love him but i cant ; why? hais)



the wordings : STARTED ON 190706 ENDED ON 301107

the drawing with words that are from THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.

photos time!! =D

These were the random pictures took during the Sentosa class's outing =DD [12thmarch07]

the departure of holidays.

Friday marks the departure of our one week holiday. It also solely means we have to study real hard after this and spare no time for games anymore. ahhs. so so sad sia. Hmm.. let me start to blog bout what happened these few days wibb yesterday...
Arrived at Jurong point, met with sheila they all , afterwhich we bought some baby stuffs for chen lao shi's first child. We went to pioneer mall after that and slowly, one by one came and met wibb us. when we reached, chen lao shi and zeng lao shi were already there, they had their lunch there, and treated us to french fries and coke. Had a long chat which was really meaningful and. eh did i mention i miss chen lao shi a lot? hehes. Thus i was really relieved i went yesterday. After the long chat, we went on separate ways. The few of us went to yong quan's house and hmm the few usual gang ob us went there and played like mad. hahas. It was so fun. At first i was watching the horror movie:voice while sheila jianhao liming and yong quan were playing Xbox. Dionis and jasper, were playing psp and were trying to unlock cars. hahas. The show ended and i switched to playing Xbox. hehes. i played fatal flame. It was so nice man!Let me explain briefly how to play the game.... At first we have to control the girl girl in a lost village and collect all those notes and camera and stuffs found in the spooky haunted village. After we got hold of the camera, we're supposed to capture the many ghosts that will appear and scare us and by doing that we'll destroy them. But but, if we cant destroy them on time, they will attack us and it's damn scary man. Sounds not scary at all uh? hahas. It's beyond words how it feels when you are the one controlling the girl and playing the game. So i strongly encourages horror movie lovers to try that. Thrilling man. Plus plus, the graphic of the game is so good and the sound effect too. woohoo. Feel like having another round of it man! hahas. thumbs up to it!!!!! =)) And and, while i was playing, jasper came and sat in front obb me intending to scare me but in the end it was the other way round. He was shocked because of my screaming. LOL. hahas. It was hilarious. In the end he went to another side while scolding me and i was like laughing and mocking at him lorhs. he orbi de. hehes.
Hmm, had tuition today, just a perfectly normal day. =)) the photos i took at Sentosa using aiai's phone will be uploaded soon okay? hahas. i'll bug her to send me. hehes. =P bad bad miie =)) okay larrhs. pen off here yarrhs. tata.

p/s: i was just tricked by liming to do some stupid love calculation thing and the rotten names i typed there was sent to him. I'm angry larrhs!!!

Class outing @ Sentosa!

Back to blog again!! hehes. Went on a class outing yestersay.. to SENTOSA!! hahas. it was quite fun actually. Just that i got so tired and bored after cleaning up myself and we went to vivocity .
Talking about showering.. lol. It was quite an experience for us though. the most ridiculous part is that the number of shower rooms are so pathetically small. Darn. So, guess wad we did? we kinda shower in front of e people larhhs. lol. We shampoo-ed our hair there with strangers looking at us as if it was some kind of big show. i even heard them commenting larhs . But, in the end, i saw them doing the same thing too larhs. lame. lol. Relieved that we did that and not just wait silly-ly for the shower room cause the toilet was really packed wibb people waiting and queing for the rooms. hahas.
Vivocity is such a ganchiong shopping mall! lol. So so big ! Liming and i walked around e whole shopping mall like lunatics searching for DIVA as i wanted to buy a necklace for my lovely aiai sheila! ahahs. it's such a torture to our legs lehs. lol. After we finally bought the necklace, we went to find sheila they all.. They were having their dinner at long john silver marhhs. When we all decided to go and leave long john le i nearly slipped and fell lorh. It was so embarrassing lehs. so i was lyk smiling at jianhao cause he's e only one who saw it. But, there was this 2guys standing the same direction as jianhao but further behind and one of them thought i was smiling to him leh. lol PAISEH PAISEH !! haha. We went to the arcade and enjoyed the '3-puck play' before going home. The game was really fun! hahas. really enjoyed myself yesterday!! hahas
There's a price to pay for everything de larhhs, and i enjoyed myself under e sun ytd and now, i got sunburn and my skin's like burning asif someone set a fire on me. lol. I'm still so tired and sleepy now. v v tired ahs!!!

p/s: Arjun requested me to write something about him. Here it goes: Firstly, i'm thankful that he was part of the commitee who organised yesterday's outing. Secondly, i think i would be more happy if he didnt shocked me yesterday. Lastly, nah! arjun! saw this? =)) take care budd..

freaky friday

friday! rahhhs. didnt attend school , ''not again!!'' lol. hais. bobian, im prone to sickness, and i hope i know why too! hais. i wanna get the storybook 'lord of the flies
leii.. Mr clover said yesterday he will be giving us today but suaysuay, i didnt attend school! arhhs. so sick, no more storybook to read. Thus, i went to the library; needlessly to say, borrowed few books. heh. Completely indulged in the whole of stories. hehes. It seems like i will feel wierd when i didnt read any book anyday. hahas. Oh yahhs, today they got their report card but mines' leh? hahas. i think i'll be getting it when school reopen bahhs. so siannnnn derrhs. hmm, going out wibb darlings and meimei during the holiday!! good good. hehhehs. Will be going for monday class' outing too. hehes. excited narrhss....

sleepy. =X

Wee! decided to blog since i'm online. Hmm, i kind of had a rough picture of how badly i did for my Ca1. i know the results are not important to us anymore, since we're in sec 4 already. But, it somehow discourages me. Hais. I failed my bio and geog. Bio, mdm tham decided to use e results for e first test thus i'm so very curious to know why the hell did she give us retest when she didnt want to calculate the marks in? Well, perhaps, supposingly, if the marks were counted i would at least get e pass, mayb a pathetic pass but it's stil better than failing in yeah? hais. Speaking bout geog, i'm totally speechless. My geog assignments and tests were so badly done that i knew from the start i'm gonna flunk it, and i did. sad sad! hais. As for my other subjects, i suppose they are all alrite except for my chinese ; i deproved a lot wibb my aiai sheila! hehes. It's eerie, but somehow, for some particular reasons, my chinese marks are always plus/minus hers. LOL. We always got roughly around the same standard for our chinese. hahas. my English and mathematics results was encouraging. As!! hahas. kiekies. end here le. tata! wee! miiss me ya? hehes.

p/s: i wanna sleep lehhs.

pics pics i took this morning.. =))

saturday madness.

Saturday's gonna be gone again soon. arhs! Why's e world revolving so fast? lol. hmm, luckily there are not much assignments to be done for the weekend =)) .. omgosh. just remembered that i should go wash my shoe!! lol. hahas. gonna get this done quickly le.. hmm ytd went to the career seminar, it was so boring cans!! aiyo. lol. Anyway, i saw julia there. Julia, the girl whom backstabbed me and said she hate me. gosh, did i even say i dun hate her? lol. hahas. Anw, after that i was supposed to attend np training.. But we reached school ar aroung 5.45, no use going too cus the training will end at around 6.30 marrhs.. Hmm.. after that went home, met wibb man.. I was really very tired ytd le marrhs.. so well, he did most of the talking. hahas.But, i didnt really pay 100% attention to wad he said hehes cus i spent my time daydreaming ...hahas. I guess he found out or wad larrhs den go knock my head. LOL. He everytime bully me de larhs!! knock my head so many times le, wad if i become stupid? lol. hahas. Hmm anw, i was very elated yesterday!! hehes. I got back my paper 2 comprehension diagnostics test -paper for last year o level. hehes. guess hw i did? hehes. shocking results too. i got 38/50!! hehes. Mr Glover asked me hw i usually do in paper 2 and i told him 'eh around 28/50 larhhs' He was shocked i gave that reply and asked me whether i peep at the answer booklet. LOL the answer booklet was wibb them right from e begining lehhs! wanna peep oso cant lorrhs. ehehs. hmm, tat's probably all larhhs. gtg save my shoes le!!! hehes...tata..

lost?.

Once again, it's thursday. And once again, i'm gonna say i'm very worn-out. Expected though, sec 4; it's like this de. anyway, i guess i dun really have the mood toblog so frequent anymore. So, most probably i'll blog on weekends unless otherwise i happen to feel like blogging =)) .
Things to be handed up to the teacher by tmr :
Physics workbook pg 85-90; Physics file ;
English tys nov 97 paper; chinese zuo wen;
Maths revision 5; maths graph book;
$18 for our class jersey; $46 for our prom nite;
By mon:
Biology mindmap by monday; test on monday too;

A lot marhhs? hehes, u're real sick if u say these are not sufficient enough. LOL. 24hrs/day;10hrs in school;2hrs for travelling; 8 hrs for sleeping; what's left is just 4hrs for study. So so inadequate lorrhs. Aiyo;;

Career seminar tmr 1.30-4.30; afterwhich NPCC till evening ard 6.30 - another loaded and tired day.


New terms learnt :
Fatutous - wu neng wei lii ;
Incredulous - Unbelievable ;
Amist - despite ;
Vilify - accuse,ruin ;
Bungling - ben shou ben jiao ;
caustic - sarcastic ;
cadaverous - very pale and thin ;
queer - strange, odd ;
qualm - feeling worried about somethinqq ;


more to come...