im not alright.

I'm feeling so vexed and damn stressed now. I wish i was born with a silver spoon. I wish this stupid materialistic society will change. why why why people are fifthly rich out there and why in the f***ing world are there people in poverty? Bills, bills, and MORE BILLS that are practically driving my mother crazy. i wish i could tear all those damn bills and burn them into ashes. hais. I just hope all those weeping will solve these problems but it won't. I'd have known better than to get myself mulling and crying over spilled milk. Sometimes, i wonder where's justice. It's like, my daddy was so young and he's a typical man with a good heart yet he died so young. Criminals , terrorists , on the other hand, always survived and are always on the run from the police . How i wish i can make them take the place of my dad's death so that at least now, we're a happy and reunited family. I always ponder what would have been the situation now if my dad is still with us , i'm certain that at least we will not been so financially-unstable now.
And it's like ,
WHY DO PROBLEMS AFTER PROBLEMS ARISE WHEN WE'RE LIKE IN SUCH A STATE??. I really cannot understand why what's wrong.

Hearing my mum shout at my brother , quarrel with him , with any of my family members, i could only watch and be silent. What can i say? The moment i start, she'll start saying about my life. My huge amount of bills, my studies, my relationships.. It's not wrong for her to do that, cause i got it on myself. What's so wrong is that even when i know what's wrong with me, i still continue doing it. Like, smsing? Quite surprising someone would use over 2000 smses a month? I tried to control, but eventually the results weren't much better. Well, maybe i should end my simcard contract soon, since it's ending tomorrow. hais. And, why do i always say i need to study and make my lazy sister do all chores when i'm frigging sure she will not do? Study study study, it's not as if i can score straight As right? And my slow(or should i say retarded?) brain is obviously not working well. I'm so immature. So not sensible, i deserve to be reprimanded. hais.

I wish i can like, sleep for as long as i want, maybe not to wake up again. I really can't stand this competitive and materialistic world.